FEELING A LITTLE LESS LIKE A LOSER...

So...3 days and counting until THE BIGGEST LOSER season premier.

Am I feeling like a 'big loser' these days? Not so much.

I have lost a considerable amount of weight. I am healthy, I'm in great physical condition. But I'm not where I was 10 months ago. 10 months ago I was 8 pounds away from losing 100 pounds!

Since then I've gain a little, lost a little. I've stayed within 5-12 lbs. of that low-point (or high point depending on how you look at it). But now, I must be honest. You may have noticed that I haven't posted my measurements in months. Nor an update on my weight. That's because it's been static...up 3 lbs, down 2, up 5 lbs, down 6, etc. My weight can fluctuate 5-7 during certain times of the month, etc. So as long as I was staying in shape I wasn't 'scared'. This is not to say I haven't been frustrated. This entire summer I was working out. Working out hard. I had a personal trainer. But I haven't gotten back into the shape I was in last November when I was up to running 7 miles/day (before my heal injury).

Injuries have plagued me. The heal was healed (ugh...bad pun), then the butt/back/hamstring ordeal began, one side of body was overcompensating, then the other--back and forth injuries. Finally late this spring I was ready to start running again! I was stoked. Then the toe injury. I hate that toe. It gets better, it gets worse. Right now it's not feeling great, but it's not awful either.

Injuries are going to be something I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life, let's be honest. Once you hit 30, your body just doesn't react and heal as easily as it did in your teens and early 20's--and the prognosis doesn't look good for the 40's, 50's etc. So, I've got to work through the injuries and not use them as an excuse or crutch (ew, another bad pun!).

My eating is less than stellar. I do well for awhile and then I stop journaling. Having a 14 month old and a 29 month old doesn't help ('snack mommy!' 'hot dogs mommy!' 'mac 'n cheese mommy')...I am trying to cook good wholesome food, but I am also using organic full fat milk, real organic butter, organic full-fat cheese, etc. and these things are taking a toll. The bottom line is that I truly need to eat less. Plenty of people control their weight without any exercise. Exercise should be just a little bonus--not the main thrust of how I lose weight.

Finally, I'm nearly done nursing my youngest daughter. This may account for some weight gain. A breast-feeding mom burns an extra 500 calories a day (Oh yeah!)! Well, guess what, when you are eating like you are still breast-feeding and you aren't, well, what you have folks is a 500 calorie deficit.

I'm not the only person who has ever gained weight when they stopped nursing. My friend Danielle gained around 15 pounds when she stopped nursing. I have no idea why I thought I would be any different. It's like, I had all the information in front of me, but my blinders were on. What I should have done is plan...

But I didn't. Here's the GOOD NEWS. Instead of resorting to old habits (refusing to get on the scale for weeks, that turn to months, that turn to years...) today I decided to let the shit hit the fan. I got on the scale. Sure, it's the first day of my period (sorry, TMI), and I feel bloated, etc. But I wasn't letting this go on another day. It wasn't pretty. What was I expecting? Afterall my clothes didn't feel great (put on the jeans from last fall and had to wrestle them on....), my underwear didn't sit exactly where it normally does...

So, bottom line, now I'm at -75 lbs. I was a little angry at myself. But all I can do is take the info I have and move on from there.

So here it is: I am promising, come hell or high water, I will be weighing in on Saturdays from now on...and reporting back to you. Jennette Fulda (whose success story is coming in 2 weeks!) told me she weights in everyday. One of the ways she lost weight was feeling accountable through her blog...maybe some accountability is a good thing. So here I am being pretty much emotionally naked before you...YIKES!

Feel free to write a word or two of encouragement or not or say a little prayer that I can achieve the balance/discipline I so desperately seek. I can't think of more important thing I can do right now than these things: take care of myself/my body, take care of my family (my princesses and hubby), and tend to my project/ my blog. Maybe reminding myself every morning of these things will help...

Happy Saturday....I'm about to go change into a sports bra and sneakers and turn on the DVD player and workout!

Comments

[Katrina]

You can do it! You can do it! You can do it!

[stacey grieve]

You seem to be slowly slipping back into old habits and good for you for catching yourself before you fell too far. Habits are also known as "paradigms" and whether you like it or not, they run our lives. Habits are actions, and all our actions in our lives follow this formula: Thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions, actions create results. Your thoughts seem to be following along the lines of "I don't want to gain weight" and "I don't want to be fat again". Using the formula I just mentioned, these types of thoughts are creating a feeling of fear, and your actions are then based on fear...never a good way to go. Instead try replacing these thoughts with something more positive like "I am at my ideal weight and easily maintaining it" and "I always chose the healthiest, best foods for my body". These thoughts will create different feelings, feelings of hope, of peace, of control, and your actions will be markedly different, and hence your results will be too! You can do this Jennifer, you know you can. We are all out here rooting for you, especially those of us who have found the way to live life permanently and easily at our ideal weight!
Stacey Grieve www.WhyAreYouWeighting.com

[jaq]

good for you, setting your goal. i lost my baby weight, reporting each week (weigh-in wednesdays) to my group of moms who had also just given birth. all 65 lb. :)