Lost 100

Am I a FAIR WEATHER FRIEND?

So, as you know, I have been training for a 1/2 Marathon at the end of the month--yeah!  Here's something I've noticed in my training...I can pretty much think up any excuse to not run if it's too rainy, too hot, too anything...

Am I, gasp, a 'fair weather friend' to running?  Can one call themselves an honest-to-God runner if they are only running when the conditions are good?  I mean, what if I wake up the morning of Sunday, April 25th & there's a torrential downpour?  Would I still run the race?  If I didn't run the race, am I a complete douchebag? 

This is the nonsense that goes through my mind as I contemplate the lessons and answers my running is bringing me.

How about you?  Do you run in all conditions? 

My First Triathlon, part 1

Well, by now you may have heard that I did a triathlon this past weekend in celebration of my 35th birthday!

Well, here's the stuff you didn't know:

• Doing a triathlon is hard.  Harder than I expected.  
• I am not a good swimmer.  Um, swimming laps in the warm pool at the Y & the gym does not translate to swimming in the open water in the OCEAN and swallowing salt water, and getting kicked, and having a super hot guy in a kayak have to stay next to you the entire time because he was afraid you would drown, and then not being able to do freestyle because everytime you do water goes up your nose & down your throat, so instead you swim breast stroke and end up 50+ yards behind pretty much everyone.  Yes, and did I mention it was so foggy you couldn't see the next buoy, let alone all 5 buoys.  Finally, oceans have sharks...did you know I hate sharks?  Well, I do. 
• I have a mountain bike, not a road bike.  Okay.  What does that mean?  Apparently road bikes travel 33% faster than mountain bikes when applying the same exertion.  Crap.  So when I got out of the water and was the second to last person to get on the bike I then further got behind because I was going at least 33% faster than my potential potential (or something like that).
• Biking in a triathlon is not anything like spinning, even if the spinning instructor thinks it is.
• When you finish biking your legs feel like jello.  No, this is not some cutesy catchphrase, the legs wobble and trying to run your bike in is not an easy feat.
• It doesn't get any better once you drop your bike off.  You don't suddenly feel lighter, or grow wings, or hear Kanye West sing you 'Stronger'.  No, you feel like your legs want to collapse and eat bon-bons.  No, it doesn't help to tell your legs that they don't have a mouth and they can't eat bon-bons even if they wanted to.
• Feigning a hamstring injury does not help.  No one buys your bullshit. 
• When you want to quit an angel suddenly appears in front of you, telling you how she had to walk/run in intervals just to make it to the water stop (aka-the turn around point)...then she caught her breath and feels better--she assures you that you can do this. 
• Some dude with long hair shows up on a bike and tells you that your husband and kids are worried about you and he's checking to make sure you're okay.  You are, you assure him.  Then you plead with him to NOT announce you when you come in last--he promises.  He lies.
• After the water stop you jog, mostly because you don't want everyone to think you are a loser.  A little 8-year-old girl who is working the water stop is running behind you, you hear her slow down and you suspect it's because she senses that you will dissolve into tears if she passes you.
• When you turn the corner on the way back you see him.  No, not the hot guy from the kayak (no, you pretty much never want to see him again).  No, it's your darling husband running with your 2 little girls in the double jogging stroller.  He's here to see you through.  To help you finish.  Now you really do dissolve to tears.
• When you are 10 feet from the finish line your 3-year-old daughter jumps out of the stroller and finishes the race with you (you are somewhat bothered by the fact that she is still in her pajamas and is not wearing any shoes, but remember that your husband is pretty much a candidate for 'husband of the year' after the stroller incident, so you let it slide). 
• They announce you as the 'last one'--everyone claps, you smile, you are mortified inside. 
• But no one can take it away...you FINISHED a triathlon!
• Later you commiserate with friends...'I'm the real loser-I was on the couch with a hangover' says one, others point out your incredible weight loss & how far you had to come just to get to this point...it's still hard to know you were last.  To not get any clams at the clam bake because they were all gone.  But I do have the picture of me after the race...and I have my memories...and I have information--what it's like, what I need to train on...and I have A LOT of room for improvement!

Anatomy of a Breakdown

So, I'm back from our vacation.  I have to say, I think I've learned a bit about myself over the past few days.  I went into my Easter trip to my mother-in-law's larger than life (eek, that pun WASN'T intended!), I had it all figured out--I had MASTERED my eating/diet!  Boy, just when you get a little cocky that's when life kicks you in the ass.  And can I say one thing...'ouch'.

Prior to our trip I had adopted a new way of eating & frankly I was kicking butt and taking names.  I dropped 14 lbs in 2 weeks!  I realized a lot of this was detoxing my body and water weight, but I did take it off and keep it off, my clothes felt looser, I even wore a couple pairs of underwear that normally rode too low on my tummy and 'rolled' over (well, actually, under) my infamous low-belly overhang.

So, I'm going gangbusters, so what happens?  A total breakdown of the mind-meets-food-meets-mouth.  Yes folks, I went off the plan.  Yep.  Did it feel good?  Hell no!  Every bite I was taking I was screaming at myself, crying internally, yet somehow did not stop.  I even snuck into the bathroom with my journal and tried to figure out what the hell I was doing.  It didn't work, everyone thought I was sick and then people needed the bathroom and so I exited and had yet another slice of ham.

Not that I believe everyone must eat only a prescribed number of calories every single day of their life.  But I guess my frustration stemmed from having made a 32 day commitment and then breaking it.  I learned that I still have some issues around food.  I eat for emotional reasons, and what's great is that I'm doing a bit of work right now to figure out exactly what those emotions are and how I can handle them differently (in the past I would say to myself, well at least I eat and don't starve myself, cut myself, smoke pot, am a nymphomaniac--I call this the Jerry Springer phenomenon:  we compare ourselves to the least common denominator in humanity, instead of striving to live up to the best role models). 

So I know I eat for emotional reasons.  I know I wasn't hungry.  I also learned that I need structure.  Some people can 'wing it'.  I hate those people.  I am not a 'winger'--first off I don't have long blond hair and a twin and a famously deceased dad (sorry, bad 80's rocker joke).  Seriously though, structure is what I need, at least right now.  A plan.  A way to quantify the stuff I'm putting in my body.  This is why they recommend you 'write it down'--because most of us must need this--quantification!  

Now my only saving grace in all of this is that I became violently ill with a stomach virus (imagine that?!).  So, I actually did not gain (or lose) a pound in my week and a half 'off program'.  I would not recommend this method.  It is not fun to be as sick as I was, it really sucks when you are so sick you don't want to read, check e-mail or even watch TV.  If you can't even watch TV or a movie you have become a true slug!

I am back to being cognizant of my food choices....planning....journaling....choosing better foods for each meal.  I feel more in control and that's good.  AND I found out I'm going to be featured in Health magazine and have my picture taken (yikes!) so I have some extra motivation for staying in control and staying focused.  Wish me luck!

Too Sick to Workout or Sick of Working Out? How to Tell?

   I must admit, this morning I rolled out of bed at 9:45AM (yes, I'm one of those lucky mamas whose kids sleep late!).  After 9 1/2 hours of sleep (helped by a hearty dose of Nyquil) I felt achy and stuffed up and like total crap.  Getting to the gym in 45 minutes for my training session seemed unthinkable. 

Hubby was going to work late today, couldn't I just roll back over and get 2 more hours of sleep and a large OJ?  No, the shower was turned on, I was shoved into it and told in no uncertain terms that I would be going to the gym...ugh! 

I wanted to quote an article I recently read that says I shouldn't go to the gym when I'm sick.  But the truth was, I wasn't the kind of sick that would preclude me from working out.  So I tried another tactic, I called my trainer and laid it on thick...told her I was running late and maybe we could just do a little bit, and maybe just a 30 minute session.

I arrived and began my workout, even though I was stategically late, Barbara (trainer to the stars, err me), had somehow arranged her schedule to come to expect this....she was ready to work me for an hour.  Squats, wall sits, lunges, bicep curls, abs, lat pulldowns, rows, jacks, butt kicks, push-ups, and a bunch of other crap ensued.  You know what...70 minutes later I felt BETTER.  Seriously, I felt so much better after the workout, I literally had just a sore throat...the aching went away, the headache went away, I felt like I sort of 'sweated-out' something.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still sick; but I don't want to go back to bed right now.  I feel good. 

Makes me wonder how often can we talk ourselves out of a good workout, when really what our bodies might really need is just that.  Here's to stop making excuses and getting our butts to the gym!

MY WEIGHT-LOSS UPDATE

After a 4 lb. weight loss last week, I lost zero lbs. this week. 

Based on my workout effort and food consumption I expected to lose 2 lbs., but didn't.  But I'm going to stay the course, it should come off this week.  I've really ramped up the exercise and am feeling stronger and stronger everyday, not to mention I'm sore!

One of the things I'm finding inspiration in right now is a sort of 'epiphany' I had while watching The Biggest Loser 2 weeks ago...It was the 'make-over show' and the contestants look amazing, especially considering where they started.  The thing that was obvious was that they were only 1/2 way done (well, maybe 2/3 or 3/4).  And I realized that's where I am.  I have had an incredible weight loss and a lot to be proud of.  But mine is an unfinished journey.  I cannot continue to just celebrate where I am, but must continue pushing forward to get to my goal.  And I will!

Happy & Healthy Monday to all of you!  Get out and get moving!

PUSHING THE WEIGHT I'VE LOST

So, as you know, I've been running with my hubby...we started running 2 minutes, walking 2 minutes, now we are up to 10-1-10-1-10!  Our neighborhood is rather hilly & several spots on our route are a doosey.

Most of the time we try to run when we have a sitter or when my brother is here, but more and more we have had to run with the kids (I received a double jogging stroller for my birthday a couple of months ago--it has a rain cover and everything so really I'm out of excuses...that's a scary feeling!).

Running with the kids in a jogging stroller is difficult, I did the math, and between the weight of the stroller and the weight of 2 kids I'm essentially pushing the weight I've lost.

It's funny, as much as I'm pretty much hating every step as we go up the big hills I always feel like it's 'poetic justice'/my cross to bear/ a reminder to never go back.

You see, even when I'm pushing the weight I've lost, it's still on wheels, having that weight on my body would be infinitely more difficult. And that leads me to the reminder that as I lose more of the excess weight I still carry...then running faster, running longer will become increasingly easier. Hey, if I'm holding my own with the pack now, what will it be like when I'm 40-50 pounds lighter?!

And as much as I curse everything I can think of as I run up those hills will the jogging stroller I can't help but think that I'm setting a good example to my daughters. When 2-year-old Sarah says, 'run faster mommy' OR 'why did you stop mommy' it's like having my own little traveling cheering section. Beyond that, when I can show the girls that mommy is happy with what her body can do, then I send the message that being healthy is about the ability to fully enjoy all aspects of life, not just fitting into a certain size.

I think of that every time my husband tells me I'm beautiful in front of my girls...I'm not a size 6, but I can run several miles, and I am stronger than and workout harder than most size 4's at the the gym, I'm healthy & have a body that allows me to do pretty much any endeavor I want & their daddy thinks I'm 'hot stuff'--maybe, just maybe my daughters won't have the body image issues so many of us have been plagued with!

But just for good measure I'm going to keep 'pushing the weight I've lost' lest I never forget the important things... We use the Chariot Cougar double jogger/converts to a bike trailer too (it's pictured above, we bought ours through REI, the outdoor/adventure company). I have found the BOB (pictured below) to be the highest ranking jogging stroller on the market...friends who have it can't say enough good stuff about it!

I'M HAVING A 'MR. MOM' MOMENT!

So have you ever seen Mr. Mom? You know, that 80's movie with Michael Keaton. There's this scene where he 'throws in the towel' and his life is going to pot (pretty much every mom I know can relate to feeling this way at one time or another). He's gotten fat, the house is an utter disaster, he hasn't shaved in weeks, he's wearing the same clothing days at a time, his life is revolving around the soap operas, the kids are running the show and it ain't pretty. Keaton's character, Jack, gets it together--he cleans the sh!t out of the house, he gets the kids to give up the pacifier, give up the 'woobie' (blanket), & he basically becomes the perfect homemaker (all in about 5 minutes--Wow!). I'll spare you the social commentary on the underlying message the producers were tying to send that women should just pull themselves up from their stirrup pants because really all you have to do it want it. But the fact is that sometimes I feel like Jack, my life can go into utter chaos and I lose control of my day, my house, my kids and because I lack structure so goes the kids, the house, my life. It's a never-ending circle that leaves one feeling depressed. I blogged a bout balance a few weeks back and discipline and it's all related.

Today, when the kids went down for their nap I have my Mr. Mom moment (not the I want to have an affair with Joan the buxom divorce moment...no the 'I'm getting my shit together moment). No, the house isn't perfect, and I'm about 154% sure it will never be. BUT: the catch-all bookshelf is cleared off, some clutter is picked up, the dishwasher and the washing machine are both going, and I have a 'planning board' I'm mapping out for the next couple weeks. I have too much to do (hey, who doesn't)...but at least can be some semblance of organized chaos.

By the way, WEEKLY WEIGH-IN NUMBERS ARE IN...I lost 2 pounds (taking into account that I gained a pound last week, I actually only lost 1 pound...but the point is, my weight loss total right this minute (well, really Saturday morning, before eating, after peeing, while standing naked on the scale) is -76. That's right...76 pounds are gone from my body! It will be more this coming week...you can count on it!

HI-HO, HI-HO IT'S OFF TO BOOTCAMP I GO!

I am totally stoked! Today I bought myself a birthday present. I am going to bootcamp! A military trainer guy is going to kick my butt 3 times a week for the next 4 weeks!

I felt stuck in a workout rut, so why not change things up and push myself a bit harder. Besides a bit of friendly competition may be a good thing for me. I'm pretty competitive (I want to be the best at everything, so I already know I want to be the best bootcamper--I also know that that sounds completely ridiculous).

Before you know it I'll be looking like Demi Moore in GI Jane! Yes, the movie was not the most critically acclaimed...but I LOVED it!

I'll update you on Monday as to how Day 1 went...

FITNESS, PARENTHOOD, MENTAL HEALTH, TRIATHLONS, AIRPLANES & JENNIFER LOPEZ

I've been thinking a lot lately about the interface between parenting and exercise. If you know anything about me, that hour I get away from my kids everyday is what keeps me sane. Yes, I adore my kids--they are truly the BEST thing in my life...but with a traveling hubby, no family in town, and lacking a regular sitter let's just say I could easily be labeled 'one egg short of a dozen...elevator doesn't go to the top floor...etc.' So to avoid the looney bin (and a permanent place on the Lane Bryant shopping hall of fame list), I exercise at our gym for a hour most days. Sometimes I even take a shower (how novel, huh?) and rest in the sauna or steam room. Rejuvenation is the key to not killing ones kids.

I was very excited to hear a couple months ago that Jennifer Lopez was training for a triathlon. As you may know, she's a new mom of twins & I thought, what a great way to make sure you're taking time for yourself and setting a great example for your kiddos! It was the same level of inspiration I received when Katie Holmes, a fellow new mom, competed in the NYC marathon last year--I found it inspirational (and I especially appreciated her tip that she listened to Kanye West's 'Stronger' for the last 6 miles--it's become my 'don't quit/you can do it' song on the i-pod).

At any rate, here's a link to a People Magazine article about Jennifer Lopez competing in the triathlon in Malibu. I read a couple of blogs that referenced JLo's triathlon & I have to say I was shocked by a few of the comments. A few readers on OMG actually referenced the fact that Lopez had stated she was going to take some time off to care for the babies and that these readers felt Lopez's children were suffering because she was not caring for them appropriately.

In fact, I have to say, I find it disheartening that over and over again I see comments like these. Why do women feel the need to tear down other women? Are we jealous of each other? Maybe. Are we insecure with the choices we have made in our own lives? Perhaps. I can't think of why else a stay-at-home mom would belittle a mom who works or why a working mom would belittle a mom who stays home. Listen, I know I'm only a few short years into this whole parenthood thing, but I've done it all, I worked and sent baby S. to daycare, I stayed home, and now I work at home & TRUST me I don't have it all figured out yet! There are things about all 3 I loved, and things about all 3 I hate. I think there are definite benefits to my children with each and certainly things that are not so great with each choice. But one thing I hope I never do is judge the way someone else chooses to mother (especially in terms of the way she chooses to balance family/work).

And really to say that someone is taking time away from their kids by training for a triathlon (and this is not the Iron Man people, not to belittle the accomplishments of the competitors, but it's a 1/2 mile swim, 18 mile bike ride & 4 mile run--this is very do-able with probably 10 hours of training/week) is just insane! As parents we need to care for ourselves. I absolutely HATE this analogy, but it fits--when you're on the plane they tell you to first put the oxygen mask on your face before assisting others (even your kids). Why? Because sooner or later you're going to stop breathing and what help are you to anyone else if you're dead?!

WE MUST TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES! And by that I mean EATING HEALTHY, EXERCISING, MENTAL STIMULATION (reading anyone?), & SPIRITUAL RENEWAL (Church, Synagogue, Yoga, Prayer, getting in touch with nature--you need not be religious to be spiritual). When you take care of your mind-body-spirit you can be more present to the people you love. AND--it sets the example for your children on how to live a good life (after all if they don't see you moving your butt, they will be more likely to sit around in front of the TV or the computer or the video game system).

GOOD NEWS/ BAD NEWS

Well, I have some good news. It turns out wishing away the weight does not work...so you can cross that one off your list. And you're welcome, very glad I can be your guinea pig on that one (*dripping with sarcasm*). So that brings me to the bad news, instead of ignoring it, I'll just come out and say it--I gained a pound. I look back at my week and realize there are times I could have made better decisions, and that I'm not writing down what I eat when I eat it (just making a mental note)--that has to change...immediately.

I'll be back next Saturday to check-in again and will have better news to share...until then I will try I will write down everything I eat!