Lost 100

Am I Good Enough???

So I was trying out my wetsuit at the gym yesterday when a middle-aged Russian lady sat down next to me in the locker room. 

'Whadt is dhis?' she says to me in an accent.

'Oh, it's a wetsuit, I'm doing a triathlon this weekend and I thought I better try it out since I've never swam in one before' I say.

[With huge eyes & a laugh} 'Um, maybe youh losse some wheighht'? 

[In a happy voice, with dignity] 'Oh, yes, I've actually lost almost 100 lbs & am working on losing more, I have been training for this for awhile' I say.

With surprised indignation and a questioning look she begins quizzing me on my diet (satisfied once I detail my 6 weekly, 90 minute+ workouts), and I kid you not everything I say she say, 'dhis not good'.  I tell her I eat very little, if any red meat and instead seek other forms of protein, when I tell her I eat a lot of nuts & seeds she tis, tisses me and says, 'too much fat'...I kindly point out that I know a serving of almonds is 18 almonds, has 160 calories and has fat, but it's the type of fat I seek in my diet (MUFA!). 

She asks if I am alone or cook for others--looking surprised when I tell her I have a husand and children.  'Ahnd do they eaht lihke youh?'....'Of course,' I tell her, 'I even have them making their own healthy pizzas on pita bread'.

'Phizza! No, no, no, no, no--dis very bhad!'  She's obviously not getting that the pizzas we makes are less than 400 calories, loaded with nutrients, veggies and healthier than 90% of the food out there, plus trick everyone into thinking they are eating something decadent.

When the exchange is over I feel deflated.  I never lost my cool, but it made me think, am I a joke?  Do most people look at me and make assumptions about me?  Am I not good enough???? 

Of course I am good enough!  This is an old belief!  What, should I lay around and give up and say, 'fuck it' (sorry mom) because one Russian lady, who knows nothing about me and chose not to listen to my story, who discounts losing all this weight, who begrudges me because I don't weight 140 lbs & have a perfectly sculpted body?!  Hell no!

It's an oldie  but goodie, this belief that 'we're not not enough/I'm not enough'....but the thing is, it only has power if you let it.  I am good enough.  YOU are good enough.  I will attract people to me that believe this and stop noticing people who don't believe this.  You will too! 

I have a favorite line in this Max Lucado book, 'You are Special'...it goes something like this, 'what they think doesn't matter...it only matters if you let it.  Why should YOU care what THEY think, the stickers only stick if you let them...the more you trust MY (God's) love, the more THEIR stickers (judgements) don't matter....'

So trust God, yourself, your higher self, your higher power....whatever it is that you believe and know you are precious and important and we need you...and whatever road you are on to be happier and healthier is exactly where you are suppose to be!

Have a great day (I know I will...it's my birthday)!

DON'T FOCUS ON THE PAIN...BY FOCUSING ON THE PAIN

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about where we all come from.  No, not the stork/ mommy & daddy/ hospital theories.  But rather, why we behave in certain ways, why we react in certain ways...really what perspective we are coming from. 

After taking a class, doing some reading, journaling, & talking I've come to understand that we all have things that have happened in our lives.  This is not earth-shattering, obviously.  However, coming to understand my own issues/ pain bodies (yes, that's Eckhart Tolle speaking), etc. has helped me to see that everyone around me is reacting from their own issues to things (their own stuff/issues/pain bodies).

So, great Jen...but what the hell does this have to do with working out/eating right/losing weight.

Well, my fine feathered friends, I had an epiphany of sorts today.

It came to me during spinning class (where else, right?  that is of course where all epiphanies start...haha).  So, if you have never taken a spinning class, saying it's intense/a hard workout is pretty much an understatment.  So as I was focusing through the tough parts I found this little spot on the floor and focused on that, while working hard.  Furthermore, I imagined that spot was a physical representation of the pain (the pain from my life issues.  As I did this I noticed myself working harder.  I also noticed that I wanted to get rid of the pain, I wanted to make the pain better, and by having a physical outlet for that pain I felt better mentally and spiritually.  At the end of my class my issues/stuff/pain was lessened. 

It got me thinking (as I immediately headed a Zumba class--which rocked by the way) how can I share this information with others?  What other ideas can I share.  I thought of a few girlfriends of mine who have shared a few of their own issues/pains with me & also things I hear people talking about on TV, in books, in the news.  Some common themes for issues/pain emerged.  Things like:  I want to be loved...I'm afraid of being abandoned...I'm afraid of not having money...I'm afraid of appearing incompetent...etc.  These issues can manifest themselves in many, many ways. 

For now though, I'll choose one issue.  As I was walking to class one of the big-screen TV's had on one of those Divorce Court shows, so we'll use a common marital issue as our example.  Infidelity.  If you use my example of focusing on the pain, you would not be saying...'look what that asshole did to me....i want to kill that whore...i imagine i'm stomping on her face....i imagine i'm kicking him in the groin'.  No!  This is not helpful.  You have to get to the raw emotion, the actual pain.  Simply, 'something in my life happened that I am experiencing pain from, it sucks, I hate the pain, I want the pain to go away, I imagine as I punch, kick, jump, pedal, lift (etc) that this pain is slowly easing away...the physical pain I am feeling is simply a manifestation fo the mental/spiritual pain I am feeling in my life...the more I feel the pain of the exercise, the less I feel the pain of my issue.

Does this make any semblance of sense to you?  Do you agree?  Disagree?

I also have found this to work with food.  Let me re-phrase that--I postulize that many people with extra weight have utilized food to push the emotions down, to not feel them/deal with them, to essentially numb themselves.  Again, I'm certainly not the first person that has ever said this.  You can actually tell yourself that the hunger you think you feel is simply a phsyical manifestation of the mental/spiritual pain and it's amazing how much control you will immediately take for the food that goes in your mouth.  Try it...it works!!!

MAYBE SCIENTOLOGY GOT IT RIGHT AFTER ALL!

Okay, okay before you go all psycho on me, I am not a Scientologist, nor do I have any inclination into becoming one, nor do I have harsh judgment against those who are one (I mean afterall, in this screwed up world I think it's great for people to embrace any religion at all! We can use all the help we can get!).

Do you remember the "Matt you're glib" comment elicited by Tom Cruise a mere 3 years ago while on the Today Show and discussing depression and the use of psychotropic drugs (in lay-person terms: anti-depressants, happy pills, puppy-uppers, etc.). Tom asserts (as one of the core beliefs in Scientology) that one needs to take care of themselves, take vitamins, eat right, exercise, turn to God, etc. and that there is no such thing as depression that it is something made up by the medical community to drum up business (kinda like those Hallmark Holidays? like Grandparents Day? or Bosses Day?).

I've got to be honest, I have a degree in Psychology, a Master's degree in Social Work, I've worked in the field (a few years back now) so I pretty much side on the side of the medical establishment.

HOWEVER, last week I was feeling uninspired, unmotivated, was sleeping late, was tired all day, didn't feel like I was getting good workouts in, was weepy (and no I wasn't experiencing PMS, but gee, thanks). This persisted for a little over a week. One night I finally sat down and talked to hubby about it. I told him everything I told you and started discussing what I could do about it. I wasn't particularly inclined to go see a shrink and I didn't really want to put drugs in my body (I'm trying to be just a little more organic, which is hilarious because as I write this I'm actually drinking a soda, which is usually a no-no in my 'more organic-healthy eating/living lifestyle). At any rate, he did what any hubby who isn't sure how to respond and doesn't want his wife having a major meltdown would do--he sympathized, didn't judge, and really didn't help that much (at least at the time that's what I thought). "What have you been eating? How are your workouts going?" WHAT? How was that suppose to help me feel less depressed, and wow, thanks for making me feel like it's all in my head and my fault because I am not eating great.

But hold the phone. He and those Scientologists may have been onto something. Yep. It turns out that after having a few kick-ass workouts, eating some great Broccoli Rabe Chicken Pasta (I'll give the recipe some time--it rocks!), and spending some quality time with my family I'm feeling on the top of the world again. I guess the thing is that certainly is a medical/chemical condition of Depression and there are people who have this condition and need treatment of one form or another, but I also think that just like some health condition can have an on-set or be exacerbated by lifestyle (activity level, diet, smoking, weight, etc.) some forms of depression can act similarly.

Makes you wonder, how might the world be different if when people went to the doctor because they were feeling 'a little blue', the doctor suggested they eat healthier, exercise an hour everyday, pray (or meditate or whatever). I guess we'll never know for sure, but maybe ask a Scientologist (and by the way, have you ever seen a sad, or for that matter fat, Scientologist?!).

Hey, by the way--I'm not a doctor--please don't take medical advice from me.