Lost 100

Taking off the Water Wings and Jumping into the Master's Swim Program

So, the first thing that was apparent to me when I walked into the pool area for my first session as a *master swimmer* was that I had somehow not gotten the memo about the uniform.  No, my multicolored red/purple/pink, high-neck so the girls don't pop out speedo, the one that all the old ladies in the locker room and pool deck just love (and yes, it does make me bitter when I get compliments about my suit from blue-haired ladies)...no my comfy, practical suit does not fit in the uniform scheme.  Which simply means I stand out like a sore thumb even more.  Just in case you were wondering, the apparent standard uniform for such an endeavor is a black TYR suit.  See pic on left.

Second, as I walked up upon the group I got the stink eye.  Yes, I really did.  And it caught me by surprise.  None of this Kumbaya bullshit that one gets at the end of a triathlon.  No, I represented these ladies worst nightmare--not only was I 'fat', but I may take up some of their precious time with the coach.  I'm sure they were wondering, would I be needy?  Would I get in their way?  Would I drown and have to be give mouth-to-mouth?  Don't worry, I float!

Third, first conversation I hear as I come upon the group [& this is not tongue-in-cheek in the least, I swear]:  "ya, yeserday I ran 19 miles & today I ran a fast 11."  A fast 11, huh.  Dude, I don't even think I've driven a fast 11!  In fact, if I ran 11 miles I would call every single person in my address book and casually mention I was feeling good, but a bit tired because I had just run 11 miles.  It would be on my Facebook page for a week.  I would tweet it.  I would post a newsletter to my college.  This would not be the fodder for a casual conversation at the pool.

Anyway, class started & it was hard.  I learned some things:

• I need to keep my head in the water more, my head is at an angle not really completely in the water.
• Because I'm pulling my head up too much my body is not flat in the water, but my leg appear to hang, which creates drag.  A good cure for this is to look at my feet.  Funny:  I can barely see my feet when I'm out of the water, much less in the water!!!
• When you swim your center of gravity is in your chest, not your hips...as you swim your body should rotate...if a stick is attached to the bottom of the pool, your body should rotate as you stroke so that the stick is under one armpit and then under the other.  Your hips rotate even further. 
• As soon as you breath, when you put your face back in the water you begin exhaling, and you exhale the entire time until you take your next breath.  At no time should you be holding your breath or should you be exhaling once your head is out of the water.

Our workout was solid & I was placed into a group with 2 other women.  They were stronger swimmers than I, but we made it work and I never got passed!

• 200M warmup
• drill, 2 stroke, 3x50M
• Main set:  3x50M (1:30)
• 3x100M (3:00)
• 2x150M (4:30)
• 2x100M (3:00)
• 3x 50M  (1:30)
• drill, drag & catch, 6x50M
• cool down, 100M
• Total M:1850

Now, I probably did about 6 lengths less than this between instruction and corrections.  But I still swam more than I ever have!!!  It was hard, but having other people there made it easier & of course having a coach to critique you helps a lot!  I'm planning another swim workout on Friday of this week, I'm going to try and swim the same routine.

I'll be back to 'The Master's Swim Program' (and yes, in my head I say that with a deep voice like 'masters of the universe!') next week and try to resist the urge to buy the uniform...but I may not be able to help myself...

Am I Good Enough???

So I was trying out my wetsuit at the gym yesterday when a middle-aged Russian lady sat down next to me in the locker room. 

'Whadt is dhis?' she says to me in an accent.

'Oh, it's a wetsuit, I'm doing a triathlon this weekend and I thought I better try it out since I've never swam in one before' I say.

[With huge eyes & a laugh} 'Um, maybe youh losse some wheighht'? 

[In a happy voice, with dignity] 'Oh, yes, I've actually lost almost 100 lbs & am working on losing more, I have been training for this for awhile' I say.

With surprised indignation and a questioning look she begins quizzing me on my diet (satisfied once I detail my 6 weekly, 90 minute+ workouts), and I kid you not everything I say she say, 'dhis not good'.  I tell her I eat very little, if any red meat and instead seek other forms of protein, when I tell her I eat a lot of nuts & seeds she tis, tisses me and says, 'too much fat'...I kindly point out that I know a serving of almonds is 18 almonds, has 160 calories and has fat, but it's the type of fat I seek in my diet (MUFA!). 

She asks if I am alone or cook for others--looking surprised when I tell her I have a husand and children.  'Ahnd do they eaht lihke youh?'....'Of course,' I tell her, 'I even have them making their own healthy pizzas on pita bread'.

'Phizza! No, no, no, no, no--dis very bhad!'  She's obviously not getting that the pizzas we makes are less than 400 calories, loaded with nutrients, veggies and healthier than 90% of the food out there, plus trick everyone into thinking they are eating something decadent.

When the exchange is over I feel deflated.  I never lost my cool, but it made me think, am I a joke?  Do most people look at me and make assumptions about me?  Am I not good enough???? 

Of course I am good enough!  This is an old belief!  What, should I lay around and give up and say, 'fuck it' (sorry mom) because one Russian lady, who knows nothing about me and chose not to listen to my story, who discounts losing all this weight, who begrudges me because I don't weight 140 lbs & have a perfectly sculpted body?!  Hell no!

It's an oldie  but goodie, this belief that 'we're not not enough/I'm not enough'....but the thing is, it only has power if you let it.  I am good enough.  YOU are good enough.  I will attract people to me that believe this and stop noticing people who don't believe this.  You will too! 

I have a favorite line in this Max Lucado book, 'You are Special'...it goes something like this, 'what they think doesn't matter...it only matters if you let it.  Why should YOU care what THEY think, the stickers only stick if you let them...the more you trust MY (God's) love, the more THEIR stickers (judgements) don't matter....'

So trust God, yourself, your higher self, your higher power....whatever it is that you believe and know you are precious and important and we need you...and whatever road you are on to be happier and healthier is exactly where you are suppose to be!

Have a great day (I know I will...it's my birthday)!

Anatomy of a Breakdown

So, I'm back from our vacation.  I have to say, I think I've learned a bit about myself over the past few days.  I went into my Easter trip to my mother-in-law's larger than life (eek, that pun WASN'T intended!), I had it all figured out--I had MASTERED my eating/diet!  Boy, just when you get a little cocky that's when life kicks you in the ass.  And can I say one thing...'ouch'.

Prior to our trip I had adopted a new way of eating & frankly I was kicking butt and taking names.  I dropped 14 lbs in 2 weeks!  I realized a lot of this was detoxing my body and water weight, but I did take it off and keep it off, my clothes felt looser, I even wore a couple pairs of underwear that normally rode too low on my tummy and 'rolled' over (well, actually, under) my infamous low-belly overhang.

So, I'm going gangbusters, so what happens?  A total breakdown of the mind-meets-food-meets-mouth.  Yes folks, I went off the plan.  Yep.  Did it feel good?  Hell no!  Every bite I was taking I was screaming at myself, crying internally, yet somehow did not stop.  I even snuck into the bathroom with my journal and tried to figure out what the hell I was doing.  It didn't work, everyone thought I was sick and then people needed the bathroom and so I exited and had yet another slice of ham.

Not that I believe everyone must eat only a prescribed number of calories every single day of their life.  But I guess my frustration stemmed from having made a 32 day commitment and then breaking it.  I learned that I still have some issues around food.  I eat for emotional reasons, and what's great is that I'm doing a bit of work right now to figure out exactly what those emotions are and how I can handle them differently (in the past I would say to myself, well at least I eat and don't starve myself, cut myself, smoke pot, am a nymphomaniac--I call this the Jerry Springer phenomenon:  we compare ourselves to the least common denominator in humanity, instead of striving to live up to the best role models). 

So I know I eat for emotional reasons.  I know I wasn't hungry.  I also learned that I need structure.  Some people can 'wing it'.  I hate those people.  I am not a 'winger'--first off I don't have long blond hair and a twin and a famously deceased dad (sorry, bad 80's rocker joke).  Seriously though, structure is what I need, at least right now.  A plan.  A way to quantify the stuff I'm putting in my body.  This is why they recommend you 'write it down'--because most of us must need this--quantification!  

Now my only saving grace in all of this is that I became violently ill with a stomach virus (imagine that?!).  So, I actually did not gain (or lose) a pound in my week and a half 'off program'.  I would not recommend this method.  It is not fun to be as sick as I was, it really sucks when you are so sick you don't want to read, check e-mail or even watch TV.  If you can't even watch TV or a movie you have become a true slug!

I am back to being cognizant of my food choices....planning....journaling....choosing better foods for each meal.  I feel more in control and that's good.  AND I found out I'm going to be featured in Health magazine and have my picture taken (yikes!) so I have some extra motivation for staying in control and staying focused.  Wish me luck!

Dreaming of The Biggest Loser

So, last night I had a dream that I was a contestant on The Biggest Loser.  What was really weird is that I'm a total Jillian nut, I think she rocks, plus I met her and she was such a total rock star and so awesome to everyone she met that night--very genuine....anyway, in my dream it was all Bob.  Bob was my trainer and I really liked him.

So, dreams aren't real, obviously.  I was disturbed though, in my dream I was a complete slacker, trying to cut corners, watching TV, just doing the bare minimum.  Plus, no one wanted to put in extra gym time (which it seems many people on the show do regularly).  I'd like to think I'd be a lot like Tara (green team) if I was on the show...I'm pretty competitive, athletic, and a very hard worker (plus we're the same height and started at roughly the same weight). 

So what's this all about?  Do I have inner doubts?  I mean, I've tried to lose weight so many times and I have seem tremendous success the last 3 years (I've lost almost 100 pounds afterall!).  Maybe I'm worried about 'finishing'?  I think I have a fear that I'll never 'finish the job'.  I know, I know....it's a journey, not a destination.  But what I mean is that there's still a little part of me who doubts I can actually lose ALL of the weight I need to lose.  Sure...I'm in regular clothes again, I don't see myself as a fat person anymore....but I don't see myself as a thin person either, certain fashions are not yet wearable (but really, are skinny jeans made for everybody?!).  I want to be in the weight range that many sources say is appropriate for my height...less than 170.  Can I do it?  Will I do it?

I think it must be these lingering doubts that are causing me to have some funky dreams.  But it is the success I am experiencing right now that gives me hope and I throw caution to the wind when I say:  this time feels different, I feel in control, I don't feel hungry, I feel stronger, I feel like I can conquer the world!  I literally feel the weight melting off of me.  I can't remember ever feeling so good about the food I was putting into my body. 

So Bob, stop yelling at me in my dream and put on your skirt and grab those pom-poms and start cheering me on!

MY WEIGHT-LOSS UPDATE

After a 4 lb. weight loss last week, I lost zero lbs. this week. 

Based on my workout effort and food consumption I expected to lose 2 lbs., but didn't.  But I'm going to stay the course, it should come off this week.  I've really ramped up the exercise and am feeling stronger and stronger everyday, not to mention I'm sore!

One of the things I'm finding inspiration in right now is a sort of 'epiphany' I had while watching The Biggest Loser 2 weeks ago...It was the 'make-over show' and the contestants look amazing, especially considering where they started.  The thing that was obvious was that they were only 1/2 way done (well, maybe 2/3 or 3/4).  And I realized that's where I am.  I have had an incredible weight loss and a lot to be proud of.  But mine is an unfinished journey.  I cannot continue to just celebrate where I am, but must continue pushing forward to get to my goal.  And I will!

Happy & Healthy Monday to all of you!  Get out and get moving!

I'M HAVING A 'MR. MOM' MOMENT!

So have you ever seen Mr. Mom? You know, that 80's movie with Michael Keaton. There's this scene where he 'throws in the towel' and his life is going to pot (pretty much every mom I know can relate to feeling this way at one time or another). He's gotten fat, the house is an utter disaster, he hasn't shaved in weeks, he's wearing the same clothing days at a time, his life is revolving around the soap operas, the kids are running the show and it ain't pretty. Keaton's character, Jack, gets it together--he cleans the sh!t out of the house, he gets the kids to give up the pacifier, give up the 'woobie' (blanket), & he basically becomes the perfect homemaker (all in about 5 minutes--Wow!). I'll spare you the social commentary on the underlying message the producers were tying to send that women should just pull themselves up from their stirrup pants because really all you have to do it want it. But the fact is that sometimes I feel like Jack, my life can go into utter chaos and I lose control of my day, my house, my kids and because I lack structure so goes the kids, the house, my life. It's a never-ending circle that leaves one feeling depressed. I blogged a bout balance a few weeks back and discipline and it's all related.

Today, when the kids went down for their nap I have my Mr. Mom moment (not the I want to have an affair with Joan the buxom divorce moment...no the 'I'm getting my shit together moment). No, the house isn't perfect, and I'm about 154% sure it will never be. BUT: the catch-all bookshelf is cleared off, some clutter is picked up, the dishwasher and the washing machine are both going, and I have a 'planning board' I'm mapping out for the next couple weeks. I have too much to do (hey, who doesn't)...but at least can be some semblance of organized chaos.

By the way, WEEKLY WEIGH-IN NUMBERS ARE IN...I lost 2 pounds (taking into account that I gained a pound last week, I actually only lost 1 pound...but the point is, my weight loss total right this minute (well, really Saturday morning, before eating, after peeing, while standing naked on the scale) is -76. That's right...76 pounds are gone from my body! It will be more this coming week...you can count on it!

HI-HO, HI-HO IT'S OFF TO BOOTCAMP I GO!

I am totally stoked! Today I bought myself a birthday present. I am going to bootcamp! A military trainer guy is going to kick my butt 3 times a week for the next 4 weeks!

I felt stuck in a workout rut, so why not change things up and push myself a bit harder. Besides a bit of friendly competition may be a good thing for me. I'm pretty competitive (I want to be the best at everything, so I already know I want to be the best bootcamper--I also know that that sounds completely ridiculous).

Before you know it I'll be looking like Demi Moore in GI Jane! Yes, the movie was not the most critically acclaimed...but I LOVED it!

I'll update you on Monday as to how Day 1 went...

GOOD NEWS/ BAD NEWS

Well, I have some good news. It turns out wishing away the weight does not work...so you can cross that one off your list. And you're welcome, very glad I can be your guinea pig on that one (*dripping with sarcasm*). So that brings me to the bad news, instead of ignoring it, I'll just come out and say it--I gained a pound. I look back at my week and realize there are times I could have made better decisions, and that I'm not writing down what I eat when I eat it (just making a mental note)--that has to change...immediately.

I'll be back next Saturday to check-in again and will have better news to share...until then I will try I will write down everything I eat!

FEELING A LITTLE LESS LIKE A LOSER...

So...3 days and counting until THE BIGGEST LOSER season premier.

Am I feeling like a 'big loser' these days? Not so much.

I have lost a considerable amount of weight. I am healthy, I'm in great physical condition. But I'm not where I was 10 months ago. 10 months ago I was 8 pounds away from losing 100 pounds!

Since then I've gain a little, lost a little. I've stayed within 5-12 lbs. of that low-point (or high point depending on how you look at it). But now, I must be honest. You may have noticed that I haven't posted my measurements in months. Nor an update on my weight. That's because it's been static...up 3 lbs, down 2, up 5 lbs, down 6, etc. My weight can fluctuate 5-7 during certain times of the month, etc. So as long as I was staying in shape I wasn't 'scared'. This is not to say I haven't been frustrated. This entire summer I was working out. Working out hard. I had a personal trainer. But I haven't gotten back into the shape I was in last November when I was up to running 7 miles/day (before my heal injury).

Injuries have plagued me. The heal was healed (ugh...bad pun), then the butt/back/hamstring ordeal began, one side of body was overcompensating, then the other--back and forth injuries. Finally late this spring I was ready to start running again! I was stoked. Then the toe injury. I hate that toe. It gets better, it gets worse. Right now it's not feeling great, but it's not awful either.

Injuries are going to be something I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life, let's be honest. Once you hit 30, your body just doesn't react and heal as easily as it did in your teens and early 20's--and the prognosis doesn't look good for the 40's, 50's etc. So, I've got to work through the injuries and not use them as an excuse or crutch (ew, another bad pun!).

My eating is less than stellar. I do well for awhile and then I stop journaling. Having a 14 month old and a 29 month old doesn't help ('snack mommy!' 'hot dogs mommy!' 'mac 'n cheese mommy')...I am trying to cook good wholesome food, but I am also using organic full fat milk, real organic butter, organic full-fat cheese, etc. and these things are taking a toll. The bottom line is that I truly need to eat less. Plenty of people control their weight without any exercise. Exercise should be just a little bonus--not the main thrust of how I lose weight.

Finally, I'm nearly done nursing my youngest daughter. This may account for some weight gain. A breast-feeding mom burns an extra 500 calories a day (Oh yeah!)! Well, guess what, when you are eating like you are still breast-feeding and you aren't, well, what you have folks is a 500 calorie deficit.

I'm not the only person who has ever gained weight when they stopped nursing. My friend Danielle gained around 15 pounds when she stopped nursing. I have no idea why I thought I would be any different. It's like, I had all the information in front of me, but my blinders were on. What I should have done is plan...

But I didn't. Here's the GOOD NEWS. Instead of resorting to old habits (refusing to get on the scale for weeks, that turn to months, that turn to years...) today I decided to let the shit hit the fan. I got on the scale. Sure, it's the first day of my period (sorry, TMI), and I feel bloated, etc. But I wasn't letting this go on another day. It wasn't pretty. What was I expecting? Afterall my clothes didn't feel great (put on the jeans from last fall and had to wrestle them on....), my underwear didn't sit exactly where it normally does...

So, bottom line, now I'm at -75 lbs. I was a little angry at myself. But all I can do is take the info I have and move on from there.

So here it is: I am promising, come hell or high water, I will be weighing in on Saturdays from now on...and reporting back to you. Jennette Fulda (whose success story is coming in 2 weeks!) told me she weights in everyday. One of the ways she lost weight was feeling accountable through her blog...maybe some accountability is a good thing. So here I am being pretty much emotionally naked before you...YIKES!

Feel free to write a word or two of encouragement or not or say a little prayer that I can achieve the balance/discipline I so desperately seek. I can't think of more important thing I can do right now than these things: take care of myself/my body, take care of my family (my princesses and hubby), and tend to my project/ my blog. Maybe reminding myself every morning of these things will help...

Happy Saturday....I'm about to go change into a sports bra and sneakers and turn on the DVD player and workout!

YES! YES! YES! YES! I FIT INTO THE ROLLER COASTER AGAIN!

Obesity has many, many detrimental side effects: increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, joint problems, knee problems, foot problems, problems walking, heartburn, high cholesterol, back problems, increased risk for certain cancers, fertility problems--but none can take the wind out of your sails as much as not fitting into a roller coaster.

For a couple of years back there I told myself that the roller coasters I was trying to ride were more narrow than other roller coasters. And then I got to the point where I could not ride some roller coasters because I simply didn't fit in the seat, or the bar didn't go down far enough, or the belt needed an extender. Ugh.

So it was with mild trepidation that I waited in line for the new "Ravine Flyer II" at Waldameer Park & Water World in Erie, PA (incidentally the same park I worked out in my late teens and where I met hubby--he ran the "Wacky Shack"--you can't make this stuff up folks!). Would I fit in the seat? Would the belt latch easily? Would people stare? Would the bar go down or would the worker try to be polite while they pushed with all their might to close it?

I stepped into the car, easily slid into the seat, fastened the belt, pulled it taunt (18 extra inches of belt folks--a HUGE difference from the "Son of Beast" ride in Kings Island a few years back!), waited patiently for the attendant to release the lap bar to lock us in--YES-YES-YES-YES (no, I'm not sitting next to Meg Ryan) I did it, the bar goes down effortlessly, 1st click, 2nd click, 3rd click--I made it 3 clicks! We Are the Champions begins playing in my head and the next thing I know I'm deliriously happy, screaming as I go down the hill and up the next!